How do I get a good tattoo?

It’s not a simple or instant process, so don’t go thinking you can just walk into the nearest shop and come out with something fantastic. You’ll need to do research. Go to as many tattoo parlors as you can and look carefully at the artists’ portfolios. Never mind the flash on the walls. Concentrate on what the artist puts out as examples of his or her work. Also, when you’re out and about, if you see someone with tattoos that appeal to you, don’t be shy. Most multicolored people are delighted to hear you like their artwork. Ask where they got it. Carry something you can write on so you can make a note of where to look.

How much does it cost?

This is something each artist determines for him/herself. Most charge by the hour, and many have a one hour minimum. You should get an estimate from the artist when you discuss your design. The final price may or not be the same as the estimate, but it should give you an idea of what to expect. And be sure to bring extra money to tip the artist. Good work should be rewarded.

Can’t I just find something on the wall in the tattoo parlor I like and go with that?

Absolutely, if what you want is something that’s on the tattoo parlor wall.

What do I need to do to prepare to get tattooed?

Bathe or shower that morning. Wear clothing that you can adjust or remove without flashing the neighborhood. Eat a light meal shortly before your appointment but don’t stuff yourself. Don’t drink a lot of water or soda, because you don’t want to interrupt the artist repeatedly to go to the bathroom. Do not, under any circumstances, get drunk. If you’re nervous, have a good friend or family member go with you for support.

What do I do after I get tattooed?

Besides pay the artist and tip him or her, you mean? Be sure your artist gives you aftercare instructions. Don’t let him/her put plastic wrap over your new ink. You may want to keep the bandage on overnight so you don’t stick to your bedsheets. Wash your tattoo according to the instructions and keep it moisturized with the product your artist recommends, or with Burt’s Bees Hand Salve, which contains just about the same ingredients as proprietary after-tat products and is much more widely available. Do not pick the scabs off, do not scratch no matter how much it itches (and it will) and don’t be in a hurry to get out in the sun. Healing takes time and your body is unique, so don’t go by someone else’s timetable.

And the #1 frequently asked question: Does it hurt?

You betcha. But getting it removed hurts worse. So be very sure of what you want, where you want it, and whom you want to apply it before you start!

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Let’s face it, folks: The best tattoo artists are not going to give their art away. They’ve spent years perfecting their craft, and their talents ought to be appreciated in more than just eyeball time. If you have an artist in mind, and you can’t afford their current rates, don’t try to haggle. It’s insulting to the artist and will likely result in your getting shown the door, permanently. If you don’t have the money now, then it’s time to start saving your pennies. You’re going to be decorating your body with something you’ll have to live with for the rest of your life. Do you want to spend the rest of your life advertising just how cheap you were? Do you want to settle for a second-rate (or worse) tattoo just because the artist’s prices were low? Sure, many people are so thrilled by the idea of getting a tattoo that they want to get it done as fast as possible, but there’s where the old “Act in haste, repent at leisure” saying comes into play in full force.

Most reputable artists will be happy to give you an estimate, based on their hourly rate and the complexity of the design you want. Try to find out when the shop is least busy, and stop by then to discuss your artwork. If you just want to pick some flash off the wall or get a cartoon character on your butt, it probably won’t take more than an hour of the artist’s time (perhaps even less) and you’ll pay accordingly. Your own custom design would be the next step up the ladder, and the artist can give you an idea of how long it will take to apply and how much it is likely to cost. But if you want a custom design by the artist, you’re going to be paying for his or her talent, his or her time to create the design, your time with the artist approving or modifying the design, and then the hourly cost for the actual ink.

And no matter how much that costs, it will be a bargain. You’re getting a precious jewel that will last a lifetime.

So if you want to be a classy, artistic, well-decorated multicolored person, don’t be cheap.

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