Multi.Colored—tattooed people, tattoo dreams

Frequently asked questions about tattoos and tattooing:

How do I get a good tattoo?

It’s not a simple or instant process, so don’t go thinking you can just walk into the nearest shop and come out with something fantastic. You’ll need to do research. Go to as many tattoo parlors as you can and look carefully at the artists’ portfolios. Never mind the flash on the walls. Concentrate on what the artist puts out as examples of his or her work. Also, when you’re out and about, if you see someone with tattoos that appeal to you, don’t be shy. Most multicolored people are delighted to hear you like their artwork. Ask where they got it. Carry something you can write on so you can make a note of where to look.

How much does it cost?

This is something each artist determines for him/herself. Most charge by the hour, and many have a one hour minimum. You should get an estimate from the artist when you discuss your design. The final price may or not be the same as the estimate, but it should give you an idea of what to expect. And be sure to bring extra money to tip the artist. Good work should be rewarded.

Can’t I just find something on the wall in the tattoo parlor I like and go with that?

Absolutely, if what you want is something that’s on the tattoo parlor wall.

What do I need to do to prepare to get tattooed?

Bathe or shower that morning. Wear clothing that you can adjust or remove without flashing the neighborhood. Eat a light meal shortly before your appointment but don’t stuff yourself. Don’t drink a lot of water or soda, because you don’t want to interrupt the artist repeatedly to go to the bathroom. Do not, under any circumstances, get drunk. If you’re nervous, have a good friend or family member go with you for support.

What do I do after I get tattooed?

Besides pay the artist and tip him or her, you mean? Be sure your artist gives you aftercare instructions. Don’t let him/her put plastic wrap over your new ink. You may want to keep the bandage on overnight so you don’t stick to your bedsheets. Wash your tattoo according to the instructions and keep it moisturized with the product your artist recommends, or with Burt’s Bees Hand Salve, which contains just about the same ingredients as proprietary after-tat products and is much more widely available. Do not pick the scabs off, do not scratch no matter how much it itches (and it will) and don’t be in a hurry to get out in the sun. Healing takes time and your body is unique, so don’t go by someone else’s timetable.

And the #1 frequently asked question: Does it hurt?

You betcha. But getting it removed hurts worse. So be very sure of what you want, where you want it, and whom you want to apply it before you start!

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As I was working on this series of posts, my son reminded me that one member of my family did have major objections to tattoos. Fortunately, when I got my first one, my mother lived clear on the other side of the country and could only raise objections over the long-distance telephone. (And she did!)

However, I had no idea my mom hated tattoos till I was past the point of no return. I was 46 and my mom was 67 at the time and I didn’t think I needed to consult with her first. She never stopped objecting to my tattoos (and commenting on how a lot of people she knew were getting them and she didn’t like that, either) but I didn’t let that stop me from going ahead with more. Age and distance do have their benefits.

However, for friends and family within much closer proximity I really don’t advise the “Tough beansies, it’s my body” approach. It’s vitally important to acknowledge that the other person’s (or people’s) opinion is just as valid as your own, and try to work out some kind of compromise. Naturally, as with all compromises, neither side will be entirely satisfied. But neither side should feel steamrollered, either.

Tattoos don’t have to be visible under normal everyday circumstances (and given how many employers’ dress codes forbid them, the inconspicuous placement is for the best). If your partner asks why you’d get ink that nobody’s going to know is there, of course the answer is that you yourself will know. You can start small, perhaps with a design on a shoulderblade that even a sleeveless shirt won’t reveal. Today’s artists can pack a lot of meaning into a small space. Talk with your artist and explain that you need to be accommodating to your partner’s objections. A good artist can help you find just the right design and placement.

What to do if your partner lays down a “It’s my way or the highway” ultimatum? There’s no clear answer to that, if you want the relationship to continue (and needless to say, it’s just as wrong to issue such an ultimatum yourself). Is a relationship where only one person’s feelings are valid worth continuing? In that case, there’s a lot more than just body art at stake.

Have you worked past someone’s major objections to body art? Care to share how it worked? I’m sure there are a lot of people who would like to know.

photo credit: greefus groinks

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When partners have very strong opinions on the issue of tattoos, and those opinions are radically different, sometimes it feels like there’s no resolution unless one person gives in. Which, of course, will make the person whose feelings get overridden even more unhappy.

People who hate tattoos have their reasons, from bad personal experiences to family / religious teachings
to objections to the look of ink “messing up” someone’s body. All of which are perfectly valid justification for one’s feelings. For multicolored people to deny the validity of those feelings would cause even more problems. But people who want tattoos feel just as passionately about them. I know what it’s like to crave a tattoo, but how to explain that to someone who’s never had that feeling?

Communication, of course, is the key. (Yeah, doesn’t that sound obvious?) Both people have to be able to express their feelings clearly and without putting the other person down. It might be best for each person to sit and write down how they feel, allowing plenty of time to explain the whys and wherefores. Putting things in writing takes time and encourages thinking. You don’t have to write a book or even an essay. Just put your thoughts down on paper as clearly as you can. Then, of course, you exchange papers with your partner, with an agreement to read and try to understand.

Seeing how the other person feels, and why, without the heated emotion of a big argument can be a real eye opener. Many times, there is a soothing answer to the worst concerns. If your partner is concerned about the look of visible tattoos, could your ink be placed where it’s usually covered by clothing? If your partner is concerned about “sagging” and how bad it might look when you get older, could you point out that there are a lot of areas of the body that don’t show and don’t sag? If your partner doesn’t want you covered with ink, could you offer to start with something very small and let him or her get used to the idea gradually?

If you want to get the tattoo as a memorial to someone, or to show your feelings, could you write down what you plan to do, and where, and why, to explain why it’s so important to you to have it done? Would it help to ask to have your partner come with you for support during the actual tattoo? If your partner objects to your being that close to someone else for that long, especially in the state of undress necessary for some designs, would it help to choose an artist of your same gender?

Each point that each person makes should be considered by the other–not with the idea of raising objections, but with the idea of mutual cooperation. It might help to write answers to each point, again with the idea of discussion rather than confrontation. Yeah, it might feel weird or stupid to be exchanging notes, but would you rather exchange notes or insults in the heat of battle?

Next message, a few more thoughts on compromise.

photo credit: massdistraction

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A reader recently asked a question about what to do when one’s spouse / partner / significant other has serious objections to tattoos.

I know a lot of people do have strong feelings on the subject and tattoos still carry negative images to many people. It’s not easy to get past that kind of visceral reaction and it can often cause big trouble for partners who have opposing opinions on the matter. After all, it’s not like you can get a real tattoo and just wash it off if your partner doesn’t like it.

Tattoos are one of the most permanent ways of expressing one’s feelings. For some of us, it feels necessary to get them. Essential. Part of who we are. We put our feelings into our ink and we mark ourselves permanently to show the strength of what we feel. All of my tattoos were done with a specific purpose in mind. I waited many years before I walked into a tattoo parlor for the first time, but when I went through that door I was certain of what I wanted and why.

Fortunately, my husband has a live-and-let-live attitude and didn’t for a moment think it was his place to say no. In fact, he came along with my daughter and me on one of our trips, and watched the process with interest, although he’ll never get a tattoo himself.

To be honest, I don’t know what I would have done if he’d raised objections. I love and respect my husband and our marriage is one of mutual cooperation (for the most part). Fortunately, over the years we’ve been together, we have learned to communicate, and I would hope that we could have talked about it together and reached some kind of compromise.

In the next messages, I’ll talk about some possible ways to work things out. Granted, I’m not talking from anti-tattoo-partner experience (thank goodness) but we’ve worked out other problems that we feel strongly about and I’ll extrapolate from that.

photo credit: cpbills

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OK, so I am a John Prine fan.

A long-time online acquaintance is thinking about getting a tattoo. He’s a diabetic, as I am, and wanted to know what he should take into consideration before he makes his final decision.

I, of course, pointed him here to my series of posts on first tattoos, but I’m sure there are other things I hadn’t thought of.

What would you tell someone who’s mid-40s, thinking of getting a first tattoo?

photo credit: darkenstormyknight1

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The other night, one of the local TV stations was doing a story on free English lessons being offered by a local community. The reporter, who obviously did not speak Spanish, was asking Spanish speaking people if they spoke English.

And she mentioned the free lessons, using the word “libre” for “free.”

Yes, “libre” means “free,” but in the sense of “freedom.” The word she wanted was “gratis,” which means “free” in the sense of “no cost.”

How does this enter into the world of tattoos? Because Asian symbols (Kanji) are very popular as tattoo designs. They are beautiful in and of themselves, and of course they mean something as well. However, the handy-dandy translations provided by various web sites might not be entirely accurate.

A Chinese friend once told me that she’d been walking through the mall one day and had seen a woman with a Chinese character tattooed on her shoulder. “I wonder if she knew that the word was bitch,” said my friend.

Could go either way! The woman could very well have chosen that symbol herself, or someone else might have given it to her and told her it meant something else entirely, as a joke. And how would someone who can’t read Chinese know for sure, in the latter case?

If you want a lovely Asian character adorning your body, be very, very sure that what you get is what you mean to get. There are subtle differences (as in the example of “libre” and “gratis” above) and it’s all too easy to pick the wrong character. Not only will you be permanently adorned with something you didn’t mean to say, but you might well be walking around with a design that would be offensive to people who really know what the character means.

OK, that might not matter to some people. But why take chances? If you can’t check your character with someone you trust who speaks the language, be sure you can find the same identical translation of it in multiple sources before you put it on your body till the end of time (or till you can afford laser treatment, whichever comes first).

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What do you wear when you go to get your ink?

The obvious answer would be “something that won’t get in the way.” But the location of the tattoo plays a large part in the choice of clothing, too. If you’re getting ink on your arm, it’s no biggie to wear a tank top if you’re a woman, or just remove your shirt if you’re a man. That takes care of clearing the decks for action while the ink is being applied, but what about afterwards? Putting a long-sleeved shirt back on over fresh ink, even if it’s bandaged, might be more of a problem than one expected.

And what if you’re a woman getting ink on areas normally covered by clothing? If your artist has private booths and you don’t mind being more-naked-than-usual in front of a stranger, problem solved. But for a relatively public place, you’ve got to think about how you’ll be sufficiently covered. When I got the tattoo on my shoulder blade, I went out and bought an inexpensive beige tube bra (new) and several loose-fitting button-up shirts (from the thrift store, so if the ink stained them, no biggie). When the time came, I just took off my shirt and sat in the chair wearing jeans and the tube bra. I was revealing less of myself than I would have in a bathing suit. I was comfortable even though the chair was right by the front door and anyone could look in the window even if they didn’t come inside. I wore tube bras during the healing process, too, so there were no bra straps to rub against the healing skin.

What if you’re getting ink on an area normally covered by pants and/or underpants? You’re the only one who can decide if baring that part of your anatomy to the world (if there are no private booths) is going to be within your comfort zone. This is something you should take into consideration when you’re planning where to place your ink.

Your new tattoo will “weep” for several days after it’s applied. Most artists advise not reapplying the bandage once you’ve taken it off, so it’s a good idea to wear clothes that don’t rub against the newly-inked area, and that you don’t mind getting multicolored splotches on. This is where thrift-store outfits can really help. If you’ve only paid a couple bucks for the shirt or sweat pants (or whatever) you won’t care if they get stained. And clothing from the thrift store is much likely to be soft and “broken in” so you don’t have to worry about stiff fabric causing problems.

Your artist will have suggestions, and you should ask him or her after you’ve discussed the tattoo and where it’s to be placed. If you’re new to being multicolored, you don’t want to ruin the ink by being fashionable instead of comfortable.

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Not everyone likes tattoos. (Wow, talk about a revelation, hmm?) And a lot of people who don’t like tattoos are not shy about saying so.

What happens if you’re a multicolored person in a tattoo-hating family? What happens if you’ve got a parent or sibling who is bound and determined to tell you off about what you did to yourself? When you’ve got a lifetime of actions and reactions built up, how do you get past all that and explain what the other person can’ t seem to understand?

I think the person who comes up with a definitive answer to that will make a fortune. Needless to say, I’m not the one. Not yet, anyway.

As I’ve mentioned, I first got the idea of getting a tattoo when I was 16. I already had a pretty good idea of how my parents felt about things like that (they didn’t want me to get my ears pierced, for one thing). Little did I know that 40 years later when I finally got my first real tattoo, my mother would still feel the same way.

Good thing I was in Los Angeles and she was in Georgia when it happened, that’s all I can say. She happened to call me the day I got my tattoo. Maybe I shouldn’t have waited till the end of the conversation to just casually slip that fact into the discussion. But I suspect she would have hit the roof no matter what.

Now, granted, my mom’s in her seventies, and in her day, tattoos were more a matter of soldiers, sailors and Lady Luck. I can see not being thrilled at the idea of your daughter coming home from some scummy dockside place with a busty babe, dice and a winning poker hand inked into her arm. And it wasn’t as though I’d ever, oh, mentioned that I wanted a tattoo in all those years. So her “You did WHAAAAAAAT?” was understandable.

But in the ten years since then, my mother hasn’t changed her mind one bit. She didn’t even want to look at my ink. Not even the multicolored Chinese dragon that I designed in honor of her mother. She doesn’t like tattoos. End of story. At least I’m old enough to give myself permission to get them. And now that tattoo parlors require people to be of legal age in order to get inked, the issue of getting a reluctant parent to give permission shouldn’t come up any more. That doesn’t mean that one’s relatives won’t raise a fuss if they feel strongly about the issue, though.

Whether to consult with family members beforehand or present them with a fait accompli is best left to individual discretion. One does have to consider whether the tattoo is worth long-term family animosity, though. In some cases it might be better to wait and give people a chance to get used to the idea. Or make sure the tattoo is applied to an area that can be easily and completely hidden from view for as long as necessary.

However, in my case there was an amusing postscript to the parental reaction. A year or so after I got my first tattoo, I found a web site that would let me send off for photocopies of the paperwork my great-grandfather signed when he enlisted in the Canadian Expeditionary Force in WWI. When the papers arrived, I discovered two things. One, his handwriting and his daughter’s (my mother’s mother’s) was nearly identical. And two, he had three tattoos, one of which was a dragon.

I called my mother and told her this. “It’s genetic,” I said, “and it’s all your fault.”

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Once you’ve decided on your design, and taken the various inks and colors into consideration (you did do that, right?) then it’s time to give some thought to the placement of the tattoo.

Many people figure they want it where they want it and if someone else objects, tough. I can understand that. And I’m as much an admirer of full sleeves and hand tattoos as anyone. But unfortunately the entire rest of the world isn’t like that.

Many employers still have dress code that forbids open display of body art. Yeah, stick in the mud, yadda yadda yadda… but they do.

Tattoos are permanent, or in the ideal world they should be. So why put limits on your future by putting something permanent in some area of your body that you can’t easily cover up? You’ve got plenty of skin that you can put clothing over if necessary, so why not start with those areas and think about the more visible places later?

I’ve even run into problems covering up the seven-star swoosh over my right collarbone. Most open-collared shirts reveal one or two stars, and a V-neck or scoop-neck shirt shows off most of the design. You can bet when I’ve gone on job interviews I’ve buttoned everything up just to be safe. It might well be that the interviewers would have liked the design, but I didn’t take any chances. Job interviews are stressful enough without worrying if you’re inflaming someone else’s prejudices.

Of course, once I was hired and had settled in and people had gotten used to me, then I felt a bit more at ease about letting a star or two show. Then I’ve been asked if the design was “real” (why no, I drew it on myself with colored markers just this morning) and people have asked to see the rest of it. Like most multicolored people I’m happy to show off my ink. But in any new situation involving employment and acceptance by one’s work environment it was better to start off slow.

So–think design. Think ink. Think placement. Getting a tattoo is something that requires more thinking than you think. Or words to that effect.

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When tattoos were first invented, the process was pretty simple. Grab a handful of ashes from the fire, maybe mix them with some animal fat, rub that on your skin and poke the design with a thorn or something else equally sharp. Or carve the design into your skin and then rub in the ashes. Or thread up a needle, rub the sinew (or whatever cavemen used for thread) in the ash mixture, and pull it through the area of skin you wanted to decorate.

Ow.

Later on, people figured out how to make colored tattoo ink by mixing various minerals with animal fat (same stuff they used to paint on the walls) but the process of embedding it in the skin was pretty much the same. Good thing nobody ever heard of germs in those days.

Today we have ink in dozens of colors from hundreds of manufacturers, and the process of applying it is both easier and more complex. But just as back in the old ashes-and-bear-grease days, not every person’s body is going to react well to the addition of the design.

The fact is, although tattoo inks are manufactured to be as nonreactive as possible, people do have allergic reactions to them. And perversely enough, the skin often doesn’t react to the ink till days or even weeks after the tattoo is done, so it wouldn’t even help if there were a “patch test” for tattoo ink. Sometimes it’s even worse–you’ve gotten sensitized to some brand or color, but you won’t find out about it till someone applies that brand or color to your skin in a future design.

And even more annoyingly, sometimes part of a tattoo will react and another part with the same color won’t. My ankle tattoo (the Egyptian design shown in a previous message) has one area of red ink that remains raised, itchy, and flaky two years after it was applied. The other red area was like that for nearly a year and then settled down. One of the teal green areas raised an actual blister about a year after it was applied, but is fine now.

Go figure.

How can you insure that you won’t have a reaction to the ink? You can’t have absolute security, but choosing your artist carefully will help. An experienced artist will have an idea which inks are least likely to cause problems and will almost certainly be using those in preference to other brands. He or she will have plenty of suggestions for dealing with reactions should they occur. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Of course, if you do what I did and get a tattoo on the spur of the moment from an out-of-town artist at a tattoo show, that’s not going to be quite as easy as going back to a local shop to show the artist what happened and ask for help, but if that’s what you’ve done, do call the artist ASAP and explain the problem. He or she will want to know that one of the inks is a potential troublemaker.

Red ink seems to be high on the list of potential allergens. It certainly has been a problem for me. I don’t know whether I’m going to get more tattoos and hope for the best, or stop with the three I have to avoid future problems. Tattoos are addictive, and I certainly want more. But do I want to take the risk?

Who knows?

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