Multi.Colored—tattooed people, tattoo dreams

As I was working on this series of posts, my son reminded me that one member of my family did have major objections to tattoos. Fortunately, when I got my first one, my mother lived clear on the other side of the country and could only raise objections over the long-distance telephone. (And she did!)

However, I had no idea my mom hated tattoos till I was past the point of no return. I was 46 and my mom was 67 at the time and I didn’t think I needed to consult with her first. She never stopped objecting to my tattoos (and commenting on how a lot of people she knew were getting them and she didn’t like that, either) but I didn’t let that stop me from going ahead with more. Age and distance do have their benefits.

However, for friends and family within much closer proximity I really don’t advise the “Tough beansies, it’s my body” approach. It’s vitally important to acknowledge that the other person’s (or people’s) opinion is just as valid as your own, and try to work out some kind of compromise. Naturally, as with all compromises, neither side will be entirely satisfied. But neither side should feel steamrollered, either.

Tattoos don’t have to be visible under normal everyday circumstances (and given how many employers’ dress codes forbid them, the inconspicuous placement is for the best). If your partner asks why you’d get ink that nobody’s going to know is there, of course the answer is that you yourself will know. You can start small, perhaps with a design on a shoulderblade that even a sleeveless shirt won’t reveal. Today’s artists can pack a lot of meaning into a small space. Talk with your artist and explain that you need to be accommodating to your partner’s objections. A good artist can help you find just the right design and placement.

What to do if your partner lays down a “It’s my way or the highway” ultimatum? There’s no clear answer to that, if you want the relationship to continue (and needless to say, it’s just as wrong to issue such an ultimatum yourself). Is a relationship where only one person’s feelings are valid worth continuing? In that case, there’s a lot more than just body art at stake.

Have you worked past someone’s major objections to body art? Care to share how it worked? I’m sure there are a lot of people who would like to know.

photo credit: greefus groinks

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When partners have very strong opinions on the issue of tattoos, and those opinions are radically different, sometimes it feels like there’s no resolution unless one person gives in. Which, of course, will make the person whose feelings get overridden even more unhappy.

People who hate tattoos have their reasons, from bad personal experiences to family / religious teachings
to objections to the look of ink “messing up” someone’s body. All of which are perfectly valid justification for one’s feelings. For multicolored people to deny the validity of those feelings would cause even more problems. But people who want tattoos feel just as passionately about them. I know what it’s like to crave a tattoo, but how to explain that to someone who’s never had that feeling?

Communication, of course, is the key. (Yeah, doesn’t that sound obvious?) Both people have to be able to express their feelings clearly and without putting the other person down. It might be best for each person to sit and write down how they feel, allowing plenty of time to explain the whys and wherefores. Putting things in writing takes time and encourages thinking. You don’t have to write a book or even an essay. Just put your thoughts down on paper as clearly as you can. Then, of course, you exchange papers with your partner, with an agreement to read and try to understand.

Seeing how the other person feels, and why, without the heated emotion of a big argument can be a real eye opener. Many times, there is a soothing answer to the worst concerns. If your partner is concerned about the look of visible tattoos, could your ink be placed where it’s usually covered by clothing? If your partner is concerned about “sagging” and how bad it might look when you get older, could you point out that there are a lot of areas of the body that don’t show and don’t sag? If your partner doesn’t want you covered with ink, could you offer to start with something very small and let him or her get used to the idea gradually?

If you want to get the tattoo as a memorial to someone, or to show your feelings, could you write down what you plan to do, and where, and why, to explain why it’s so important to you to have it done? Would it help to ask to have your partner come with you for support during the actual tattoo? If your partner objects to your being that close to someone else for that long, especially in the state of undress necessary for some designs, would it help to choose an artist of your same gender?

Each point that each person makes should be considered by the other–not with the idea of raising objections, but with the idea of mutual cooperation. It might help to write answers to each point, again with the idea of discussion rather than confrontation. Yeah, it might feel weird or stupid to be exchanging notes, but would you rather exchange notes or insults in the heat of battle?

Next message, a few more thoughts on compromise.

photo credit: massdistraction

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A reader recently asked a question about what to do when one’s spouse / partner / significant other has serious objections to tattoos.

I know a lot of people do have strong feelings on the subject and tattoos still carry negative images to many people. It’s not easy to get past that kind of visceral reaction and it can often cause big trouble for partners who have opposing opinions on the matter. After all, it’s not like you can get a real tattoo and just wash it off if your partner doesn’t like it.

Tattoos are one of the most permanent ways of expressing one’s feelings. For some of us, it feels necessary to get them. Essential. Part of who we are. We put our feelings into our ink and we mark ourselves permanently to show the strength of what we feel. All of my tattoos were done with a specific purpose in mind. I waited many years before I walked into a tattoo parlor for the first time, but when I went through that door I was certain of what I wanted and why.

Fortunately, my husband has a live-and-let-live attitude and didn’t for a moment think it was his place to say no. In fact, he came along with my daughter and me on one of our trips, and watched the process with interest, although he’ll never get a tattoo himself.

To be honest, I don’t know what I would have done if he’d raised objections. I love and respect my husband and our marriage is one of mutual cooperation (for the most part). Fortunately, over the years we’ve been together, we have learned to communicate, and I would hope that we could have talked about it together and reached some kind of compromise.

In the next messages, I’ll talk about some possible ways to work things out. Granted, I’m not talking from anti-tattoo-partner experience (thank goodness) but we’ve worked out other problems that we feel strongly about and I’ll extrapolate from that.

photo credit: cpbills

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Not long ago, I recorded a show on the History Channel called “Ancient Ink.” I finally got around to watching it yesterday. The host traveled around the world, featuring various traditional styles and methods of tattooing. A Maori artist amplified the tat on his back, a Japanese artist tattooed his leg in traditional style, and he showcased other people getting traditional tattoos (for example, a Polynesian body suit and an Inuit tattoo done by sewing the ink into the skin). He finished up at Zulu Tattoo in Los Angeles, which is where my daughter and I got inked (although we weren’t lucky enough to get inked by Zulu himself, who is so popular that one has to wait months for an appointment, and for good reason).

Naturally, the effect on me was to get me thinking about more ink.

But that’s not what got me to thinking tonight. There was the obligatory segment on tattoo removal,although it was focused on the removal of gang tattoos. I’ve had laser resurfacing done on my face (in a less than successful procedure to get rid of my eye bags) and the plastic surgeon put me under general anaesthesia for that. I know what it feels like afterwards, and I certainly wouldn’t want to go through it with just numbing cream on my skin.

Tonight on Los Angeles’ Channel 5 news, the “health and beauty” segment also talked about tattoo removal, and this time the patient was a woman in her 30s who was having a teenage indiscretion erased. The reporter, Marta Waller, revealed that she also had had a tattoo done on her foot as part of a past story on tattoo parlors, and is currently in the process of having it removed. And she agreed, removal is very painful.

I wonder why a reporter would go that far in quest of a story, if she wasn’t really committed to keeping it? Did she plan all along on having it removed, not treating it as a permanent thing? Was it just one of those things that sounded like a good idea at the time, and she regretted it later? She didn’t go into it.

At least the host of the “Ancient Ink” show got his new tattoos for good, spiritual, personal reasons, and I doubt he’ll be the host of a show on getting rid of tattoos any time soon.

Meanwhile… I’m definitely thinking about my own next trip to the tattoo parlor.
photo credit: riviera 2005

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I just noticed that the letter “a” has been appearing randomly at the end of my posts, in the RSS feed. I can’t figure out what’s putting it there. I’ve checked all my plugins and can’t see anything odd, but then again I’m not sure I know what I should be looking for.

Maybe it’s an indication that each post is brought to you by the letter A?

Oh, the joys of technology.

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Sorry for the short notice! There’s a HUGE tattoo expo at the Fairgrounds in Pomona this weekend. I’ve been to one of those before and I’m not kidding when I say HUGE.

You gotta love an event that invites people to come show off their body art!

For more information, click here. And have fun!

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There’s a leech out there who’s stealing my posts verbatim, including my images which have NOT been released into the public domain. Imitation might be flattering, but stealing word for word, no way.

photo credit: shredpet501

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I’ve just installed a WordPress plugin that should format this blog properly to appear on an iPhone or iPod Touch. Alas, I have no way to see if it works properly.

Anyone out there properly podded or touched, who can check to see if it works?

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My daughter and I were shopping yesterday, and she commented that “cropped” or capri pants seem to be
the in thing these days, and it’s not so easy to find regular pants. I’ve noticed that too, especially in larger sizes (I wear plus sizes, she doesn’t.)

I don’t happen to think the style is very flattering, but I do have to admit to owning one pair of capri pants. And I bought them specifically to show off the tattoo on my ankle. Which I think is a good reason to buy something like that, which I ordinarily wouldn’t be caught dead wearing.

I have also bought other clothing with showing off my ink in mind. I have one hot pink shirt with an asymmetrical neckline that showcases my swirl of stars perfectly. Showing off the dragon on my back is a bit trickier, because I don’t think I look good in spaghetti-strap tube tops… but I have a couple. They show off my stars too, of course.

Most of the time I’m too averse to showing off my fat arms (aka Old Lady Wings) so the back tat stays covered. But once in a while I’ll get covered up with sunscreen and let it all hang out. Especially if I’m going to a tattoo show, where nobody cares about fat arms and short pants.

My daughter buys short-sleeved shirts to show off her armband, but she rarely displays the knotwork on her leg. Although she does have this dynamite evening gown with a slit up the side. Too bad there are so few occasions to wear an evening gown when you’re a grad student.

I’m seeing more and more ink on more and more people as I wander around during the course of the day and it makes me wonder how much more is covered up (like mine). Do we as multicolored people dress more often to reveal or to conceal?

photo credit: leogetz

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In my last post I talked about my mom’s reaction to my tattoos. And how I found out that getting inked runs in the family.

Things are substantially different between me and my daughter, lemme tellya. My daughter has two tattoos, an elaborate knotwork circle on her left leg (designed by a former Significant Other) and an
armband she designed herself, that includes her great-grandmother’s totem animal, the red-tailed hawk.

Individually and collectively, she and I occasionally get asked what the other thinks about her tattoos. I know that a lot of parents (of all ages) are like mine and won’t countenance inking, and many’s the kid who waits only long enough to be barely legal to hit the nearest tattoo parlor in defiance of Mom and Dad. The down side to this is that kids end up with designs they’ve barely thought through (if they’ve thought it through at all) and some of the so-there-parents ink I’ve seen has been, well, truly unfortunate. The kind of thing the kid’s going to quietly go get erased just as soon as he or she is out of the house.

I am happy to say, though, that the situation is not like that between my daughter and me. She liked my tattoos and she wanted some of her own. She waited, somewhat impatiently, till she was of legal age… and then she and I went to the fabulous Zulu Tattoo and got inked together.

And then a couple years later we did it again. That, I think, is mother-daughter bonding at its finest.

My daughter says that if I go get inked again, she has to go too. I think that’s a fair bargain. I just wonder if I’ll be able to keep my part of it sometime in the future.

photo credit: bionicteaching

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